Azkara for Janet Robbin

One thing that is very real lately at Pardes is the Jewish life cycle, particularly, the end. Last week many students traveled to Alon Shvut to support Zvi Hirschfield at the funeral of his father. And just last night, many students are people from the community gathered in the Beit Midrash for an azkara or a type of “remembering” of Janet Robbin.

Janet Robbin was the mother of Sheryl Robbin, Rav Daniel Landes, wife. Rav Landes is the Rosh Yishiva at Pardes. Janet Robbin was also the grandmother of Hannah and Isaac Landes who I have become close with over the past year and a half at Pardes because the Landes’ always invite students to their home for Shabbat and holidays. If you have never met anyone of the Landes’, all I can say is that they are all lovely and unique, each with their own wonderful qualities.

Not that remember someone isn’t important, but my love for this family is the real reason that I attended the gathering last night. It was very simple and elegant. Rav Landes welcomed everyone and introduced Janet and who she was and he talked about her very fondly.

Hannah read Psalm 128 which had a special meaning to the family. For Janet’s 35 wedding anniversary the family had a piece of art work made as a gift. In a ל and ה, which is the gematria for 35, this psalm had been written.

Cheryl talked in great detail about her mother and how her health had deteriorated over the past years, yet she still called her at least five times a week at 4:30 Chicago time. Also, she described how hard her sister, who still lives in Chicago, worked to take such wonderful care of their mother. It was evident that it was difficult for Cheryl to live such a great distance from her mother, but that it was obvious that her life, family, and home are in Israel.  I cried the most when Cheryl talked about how much she loved spending time with her grandchildren, even one day. When Janet knew she wouldn’t like the planned activity, it didn’t matter because it was one more day she got to be with her family, specifically her grandchildren.

One story I really thought was amazing was that WWII, Janet’s husband was stuck in a POW camp. One of his postcards was the only correspondence that made it out during the war and he had written the names of other men who were alive in the camp with him. With this information, Janet wrote to the war department and to all the wives/families of the men whose names were on the postcard to let them know that their loved one was alive.

My favorite part of her stories about her mother, was that they mostly took place in Chicago, or Highland Park. (I am from northwest Indiana, but my mom’s family is all still living on the north side of Chicago) I was thrilled to recognize the names of the streets that she drove on with her mom, the area of the lake that they would visit, or where they took Janet for an outdoor concert. It sounds silly, but I was really happy to have some sort of connection to their family, even if it was insignificant. To me, I felt like I could have been in the same Dunkin Donuts, or the same beach.

To close, Isaac, taught part of Mishnah Bikorim, Zeraim. I learned last week that something people do in remembrance of someone is to learn Mishnah. I really love this custom. Isaac talked about how during the times of the Beit HaMikdash, people would bring their first fruits to the Temple. It was a big to-do, even the cow was dressed up with a crown of olive leaves and gold ribbons hanging from the horns. It was a celebration. Just as the bikorim was a celebration, the azkara felt like a celebration of life as well.

Although I have spent time with Rav Landes and his family. This was really a beautiful evening because they all showed and demonstrated so much support for each other. Each had their own role in the azkara, but every part was from the heart. I really look up to Rav Landes as the Rosh Yeshiva of my school, but now even more, I look up to him as a husband and a father, and a more complete role model.

I am saddened that I have to learn about Judaism through someone else’s pain. But I am grateful to be learning and witnessing how Judaism has set a system to guide people through their most difficult (and also most joyous) times. Everyday I am more amazed by what I am learning and how I am growing.

Voting in Israel

This morning on the street was quite like a chag/holiday. No one was working because it was election day. Most of the people who were out were on their way to vote, just like me! I didn't actually know where the place was that I was suppose to vote, but when I arrived, I knew that I was in the right spot.

There were banners from most of the parties hanging outside and there were reporters setting up their spots. 

I went in, everyone has a number. My number was 965. It really just directed me to a room. And probably to this list, below.

They found my name on this list... אנדריאה לאה וייס. I told them it was my first time and I didn't know what to do. Everyone (there were three men and one woman sitting at the table) was very excited that it was my first time. I gave the first man my ID card. I brought my Israeli passport, driver's license, and ID. I was too excited. I really wanted to be prepared. I just needed one of them. The second man found my name on the list. They gave me an envelope and told me to put only one piece of paper into it. 

These are all the slips of paper that were available to choose from.  I picked mine, put it in my envelope and came back to the main table. I said shehechiyanu (a prayer you say when you do a new thing) and the people at the table really liked that. The third man offered to take my picture.

 Obviously, I said yes!  This is me voting!! =) 

It was a really wonderful moment in my life to be able to vote in Israel. I have lived here for almost four years. I am so proud of living in Israel and being part of a Jewish democratic state. It was a very emotional experience for me. 

Now...it actually gets exciting, we'll see who makes a coalition. 

a new struggle i didn't see coming

“An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

I know this sounds naive, but I really didn't see this one coming.

Just some clarifications before I start. I love being Jewish. I love not using electricity on Shabbat, I love keeping mitzvot, I love davening, I LOVE Torah. I choose to believe Torah is from Sinai. I like dressing conservatively, although I don’t always wear skirts. I often think about being orthodox and marrying an orthodox man.

I grew up in a place that I didn’t have anyone to raise me Jewish, to answer my questions, or help me become the Jew I wanted to be.  I grew up in a predominantly farming community in Indiana, where there weren’t any other Jews. My dad is Catholic. My Jewish education is also about survival. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t choose to raise my family there, because I want to them grow up more Jewishly observant, but I did grow up there, and there weren’t people who could teach me. But what if someone had taught my mom how to read Torah, lead davening, to have a Jewish home, etc. She is also a woman, (I see the flaw in my argument, that she should have married a Jewish man, but that’s not what happened, and my dad isn’t Jewish, but I am.) Woman today must be educated fully in all aspects of Judaism and must have equal rights in Israel and abroad. I must be prepared to give my children a Jewish education even if my husband can’t do it. (I also see the flaw in this, I find my Judaism to be very important and I will marry a man who can help educate our children. It’s only hypothetical.)

I was brought up to be strong. Maybe too strong. My mom grew up playing sports, usually with boys, because there weren’t other girls to play with. She grew up when not all schools had sports for girls, or where they only let girls play basketball on half the court, because obviously they weren’t strong enough to play full court. She went to university and played volleyball and badminton. When she raised me and my sister, we played all the sports we wanted to. I was younger, and my dad didn’t get a boy, so I also grew up playing football, (not on an actually team, just in our yard) and I was in karate, softball, tennis, golf, basketball, swimming, volleyball, and I did shot put on the track team. By the time I got to high school, I focused just on tennis and golf. I wasn’t just raised to be strong, I was raised to be better, to perfect what I was doing.  When I beat all the girls in the school, I started to play against the boys, and when I beat all the boys, we went to another state to play.

This isn’t really the point, but the issue is equality, and being raised to believe and feel that I am equal at anything I choose to be equal at. And this is my dilemna. As much as I would love to be orthodox, I don’t believe there is real equality. Even though I don’t believe that “separate is equal,” for the sake of prayer and kavannah/concentration, I really prefer not sitting with men. (I will be the first to tell you that I get easily distracted by the opposite sex.) It’s rare that a prayer space is equally divided. Sometimes women are in the back, or squished on the side. When the spaces are more equally distributed, women aren’t allowed to participate, and definitely not allowed full participation rights. There are some unique minyanim in Jerusalem that allow women to lead/participate in parts of the davening.

I truly believe that God thinks I am equal to any man. He/She/It created us. How can one voice be more than another? How can a small biological difference make this large of a difference? This Shabbat, when I was in one of the most beautiful communities in Israel, with a group of people I have the utmost respect for and truly love; only men participate. Only men read Torah, only men can lead shachrit, musaf, mincha, maariv, etc. Because women sit up stairs, they can’t even touch the Torah. Do they think the Torah will become impure if a woman touches it? (I’m not being sarcastic, if this is the reason, I want to know.)

I also study at an institution that employs the most knowledgeable female Talmud/Torah scholars. These women blow my mind. Their love of Judaism, Torah, Talmud, mitzvot, is simply beautiful. They are women who even being in their presence makes me feel like a better person because they are truly following Torah and God’s commandments. But they don’t seem to have the same struggle that I am facing. Do they also not want to read Torah, and lead davening? Do they believe that their voice isn’t equal?? Do they think that a man isn’t fulfilling his mitzvah if he heard her voice instead of another man’s? They teach men Talmud, but they don’t participate in an orthodox service. I don’t know the answer to these questions.

A more concerning issue for me is the kotel. The closest wall that Jews can pray at to the Holy of Holies. It’s a hot political issue in Israel right now. I love the kotel. I get chills when I go there. I love praying there, I think so much Jewish history, worship, prayer, took place there. I am part of this. There is a permanent separation barrier at the wall, woman on the right, and men on the left.  There is even a covered section for the men so they can be even closer to the spot.  Not only do women only have about a fourth of the space at the wall, it’s farther away. Also, women aren’t allowed to have their own minyan. And it’s impossible to be close enough to a man’s minyan to hear a Torah reading. So a women couldn’t fulfill this mitzvah at the wall even if she wanted to, since it was deemed illegal for a woman to touch a Torah scroll, let alone read from one. How can someone think that this is normal? I know this is completely vulgar, I apologize in advance, but how can the difference between a penis and vagina, create such immense divisions? Because men were the people writing the rules? Do orthodox men/women see their children differently? Why do the boys get to do certain things that their daughters aren’t allowed? I don’t have answers and I don’t understand.

I really didn't see this struggle with a desire to keep more mitzvot and live a more observant life would come with such a struggle for equality, trying to find a voice and a place where I feel comfortable. I truly have no desire to insult anyone’s way of life, I only desire to understand, do more mitzvot, and to be closer to God.  B’ezrat Hashem, I will raise my daughters (and sons) in the same way.

Snow day = best day of my life.

We were all awake long before we finally received the email from Pardes to tell us that school was canceled. We all knew, there was a blizzard coming down outside our windows! The city had already shut down the afternoon before because of some hail. We quickly rallied and got a group together to head to the kotel. We were told that we couldn't miss a white kotel. 

We trudged down Derech Hevron all the way to the Old City...actually, it was sunny and we were throwing snow balls at each other! We went to the overview where the following picture was taken. Then we went to the kotel. 

Our brave and AWESOME group! 

My friend, Ilan, so excited to be praying at the kotel in the snow! 

Dome of the Rock...I know many people don't like your location, but you're still gorgeous. 

Two soldiers taking pictures of each other as I walked down to the men's side. Yes, you heard correctly. I asked my friend AdAm, what he thought if I would just walk all the way down on the men's side of the kotel. Obviously it was an exceptional day, and there weren't guards at the kotel at 9am in a blizzard. And most off the men were inside for the Torah reading, since it was too wet to bring the Torah's outside. I asked him if I liked like a girl because I had a hood on and a scarf covering most of my face. He laughed and said yes, but if you keep your head down, no one can see your face anyway.

So I slowly made my way to the men's side. I stopped and watched men dancing, then once I felt that AdAm was close to me. I headed for the wall. My heart was beating fast and my legs started to shake, but then, I was there. My lips and forehead on the wall and...it was amazing. Prayer easier flowed from my mouth, and then I heard a nigun (song without words) start a little down the wall...obviously men were singing, but I felt like God was singing for me, and so happy that I was there at the wall. The nigum was beautiful, and I heard AdAm chime in and I saw my roommate Joseph close on my left from the corner of my eye. I relaxed a little, knowing I was surrounded by my friends. I prayed a little more, took in the nigum, held back some tears, felt the snow falling heavily on my shoulders. I felt the world was perfect in this moment. And so not to overdue it, or take the moment for granted, I lifted my head just enough to see AdAm, and we walked out together. It was by far one of the most amazing moments of my life. 

I am so happy living in Jerusalem, studying Torah, and loving life! 

Cousins!

My cousin, Hannah, came to Jerusalem on a Birthright group! Our grandfathers are twins. Do we look alike?

We just might Saturday night for an hour. We have only seen each other a few times in my whole life, the last time was at my sister's wedding. But I can tell that she is a beautiful young woman who is going to do great things! I love when family is in Israel!

Rain in the holy land

There has been more rain in Israel in the past three days than my entire four years in Israel. I am so grateful for my rain boots. And warm smiles from everyone who is miserable being wet and cold, but understanding that we need the rain.

Women of the Wall Rosh Chodesh Tevet

I recently learned about Women of the Wall and their struggle for equality at the Kotel, the Western Wall, the most significant religious site for Jews. http://womenofthewall.org.il/ Every Rosh Chodesh they go to the Kotel to pray together in a minyan (technically, a group of 10 Jewish men, but for them, 10 Jewish women.) They have been facing a lot of hostility from police/government. The rabbinut, Orthodox rabbis, controls the Kotel and what is allowed to happen there. So this morning, was Friday and we didn't have school, so I wanted to go and show my support...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10100937694240228&set=vb.20718182&type=2&theater

I came early before the other women entered and filmed a little of the men's side. They get to read Torah, dance, wear tallit and tefillin. All things the women aren't allowed to do at the Kotel yet. 

A woman who refused to take off her tallit (prayer shawl) at the Western Wall was arrested. Clearly she didn't do anything wrong. 

The Kotel at sunrise with rain, really beautiful. 

The men praying on their side, reading Torah peacefully. The Chanukia is there for Hanukkah! 

She is giving us instructions on entering. They will take our tallits, if we don't let them, they will arrest us. I gave them mine, they held it at the gate until I exited much later. When they took it, I told them it was really important to me, I asked the head officer if he used a tallit when he prayed and he said yes. I told him that I wanted to use it to use my tallit to pray. He told me that there is a law in Israel against women using them. And I said, "who's law? HaShem's law?!?! No way." The officer laughed and smiled, but I still didn't get to take my tallit with me. 

The police put an extra barrier so the men who prayed in support couldn't stand too closely to us. This police man was really nice to me and said good morning to me after I said boker tov with a smile. I think he liked me, why wouldn't he? =) 

One thing that was upsetting to me was seeing Orthodox Jewish women come up to us and tell us to be quiet and that what we were doing was horrible. But there were other women who just happened to be there and saw us gave us huge smiles and thumbs up! 

Derek came to support the women at the wall. He prayed on the other side of the barrier next to us! It really made me feel great to see him there. (At school he is Naomi's chevruta in Gemara, what a lucky lady!) 

This girl was arrested for not taking off her tallit. I talked to this guard. His name is Lior, he is SO nice! I asked him when I was leaving if he really cared about praying at the wall. And he said, of course I don't care, I enjoyed it! (He had come into the Kotel to watch us pray too.) I feel bad for the police men, they don't really want to be doing this. 

During Hallel, special prayers we say on extra special days like Rosh Chodesh (the first of the Jewish month) Hanukkah, and other holidays. I really had an urge to dance. Most of the service, I was standing in the back on a bench. I had a good view. But when Hallel started, it was so exciting! It was time to celebrate, and Rosh Chodesh is really a women's holiday. So it's really important to me. Jewish women really should own it. Anyway, I was excited, and I felt like our group of 100 women was a little afraid, as they should have been because four women had already gotten arrested. But I came down off my bench and walked around the front to where Naomi and Mary Brett (two of my great girlfriends from Pardes) were praying. Some other women were swaying, almost dancing. I grabbed Mary Brett's hand and another woman who I didn't know and we formed a circle and away we went. We were dancing at the Kotel! Immediately more women joined! It was so exciting and for a short time I forgot we should have been nervous and just danced for God and out of joy. It's so wonderful to dance with women, it's so strong and carefree. But within a few seconds (less than 30) police game and told us to settle down. We were being too loud and rowdy. But it was too late. We did it, and it was amazing. The chazzan changed tunes and we went back to being quieter. At the end of hallel during Song of the Sea we danced one more time. I was a little more nervous this time. I knew the police would come. When we stopped my legs were shaking, but it was so worth it. The women left the regular Kotel area and went to Robinson's Arch to finish the Torah service. 

I was very happy too because a year ago I wouldn't have been able to daven/pray with them. I didn't know how, and now after being at Pardes, I felt very confident in my abilities and really felt a strong connection to what was going on and I really wanted to be there to pray, to give thanks and praise and rejoice. All things I didn't know how to do in a traditional, productive way not a very long time ago. 

The whole thing was inspiring to me. I'm sure for others it was depressing, but it gave me hope. Everyone knows I like a good fight. I felt like I really belonged in that moment at exactly that time. With exactly those people. Doing exactly what I was doing, and that was a great feeling.

Thanksgiving Shabbat

We had an amazing Thanksgiving and Shabbat Friday night. There were 19 people at our table. It was so beautiful and filled with blessing.

Unfortunately, a new experience.

Shavua tov! I hope everyone had a restful and peaceful Shabbat. Although I'm sure for thousands of people in Israel that didn't happen. As I was walking to Beit Knesset (Synagogue) the siren went off to warn Jerusalem that there was a rocket in the air. As Joseph and Daniel and I were walking, we saw people running for cover. I told them we had 30 seconds, so we just continued walking. About 15 sec

onds later we heard and felt our first rocket. It hit north of Jerusalem and no one was hurt. We continued on our way to pray. It was a beautiful evening with music and singing. I had dinner with a very loving family and today I went to listen to my roommate read Torah, which he did beautifully, and then played basketball with friends...life goes on normally for now. Let's hope that peace is near and that no one else is hurt on either side. 

A Shabbat to remember

Last night, I had 30 women studying at Pardes over to my house for Shabbat. I was really worried about inviting so many people, but I just couldn't only invite some, as I really love every woman at Pardes and really wanted to have a beautiful experience in my home.

Seeing that it was going to be such a safe space, I told myself that I was going to lead Kiddush, which I did for the very first time! I had my best friend, Hannah, stand next to me for support, and help, and it was amazing. The "L'chaim" of only women's voices was beautiful. And singing zimrot, (songs) was also so much fun and women who may have been shy in another setting, were just stunning. Everyone was glowing and I was so happy that everything worked out!

Today at lunch, I went to Suzanne and Max Singer's home. They were hosting a Shabbat Connections meal and I was lucky enough to be invited. There were two students from HUC Rabbinical School, a young woman who is 23 but already a lawyer in Israel, her boyfriend who builds websites (he is making Alex's website http://www.alexsinger.org/) and another man who teaches literature to Palestinian's in East Jerusalem. (He is the only Jewish person on the school's faculty.) Besides the fact that Suzanne and Max are so interesting themselves, it was an amazing group. Lunch went so long in conversation and it felt like we had just arrived.  Everyone had such beautiful stories and wonderful future goals.

http://youtu.be/YpZ7L-T8n9A This video was made about Alex's life and about the book that was complied with his letters and drawings.

I'm in the middle of the book now and I understand that Alex died, but I am falling in love with him, his ideas, beliefs, actions, hopes, and struggles. At the same time I am going through a mourning process because I know that he is no longer here, but to me, I just met him, and l'm losing him at the same time. Every time I pick up the book, it comes with tears.

Being in Suzanne and Max's home today, being surrounded with Alex's drawings and pictures, and also their love and openness, was beautiful, but difficult. I was near tears a few times in their home, trying to think of other things, but my thoughts quickly coming back to Alex.

I know that Alex and his family have effected my life. I always find it interesting when things are introduced into someone's life. Why did I find Alex's book now and not last year? How did I end up at Pardes when I was 26? Why do certain people come in and out of our lives when they do...etc.

Obviously there aren't answers. But I am grateful nonetheless. 

Homemade Kosher Little Debbies

I made homemade Little Debbie oatmeal sandwiches. If you don't know what Little Debbie is, click here. 

Nothing with this much butter could be bad, but they were delicious!!

YUM! 

Alex Singer Hike

http://www.alexsinger.org/

Last week I went on a hike that I had first heard about over a year ago. I was probably busy last year and didn't pay much attention. But last year, always around pesach, Pardes put up special art work and poems in the hallway. Not only was it beautiful, it came with a story that really touched me. The art was done by Alex Singer who was an American who made aliyah, and was killed two years later on the Lebanese border. I read the same poem almost every day for a month and every time I almost cried. This man was the same age as me and already he had stronger convictions that I would ever admit to myself. 

So this year, when DLK talked about the hike, and despite the hike being on a difficult day, the morning before a holiday, I jumped at the opportunity. I didn't know what it would be like, but I knew I had to learn more and be a part of this man's life, even if he was no longer here. 

The hike's theme was focusing on Alex's time in Europe. I felt very connected to this topic because I also spent some time in college in Europe and traveled extensively, including most Jewish sites, and it was my first time going to Poland and Auschwitz. It was definitely a significant time in my life in the development of my Jewish identity. 

We started the hike at the Scrolls of Fire, which is an amazing sculpture by Nathan Rapoport, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathan_Rapoport, who also did a famous monument in Warsaw. 

http://www.kkl.org.il/eng/people-and-environment/spotlight-on-new-projects/holocaust-martyrs-forest-anne-frank-memorial/

Scrolls of Fire

Me with Suzanne and Max Singer, Alex's parents. 

They set up a circle of Alex's pictures with some writings on the back. We had the opportunity to take one, read it, and share our thoughts. I became very emotional reading Alex's words. It was about being unable to live outside of Israel, and outside of a Jewish community. I always feel like Alex is speaking directly to me. 

The Pardes crew with Max and Suzanne! 

I know I will take Alex's story, art, poems, and writings with me. Especially into the classroom. I know Alex will effect my future students' lives as well. Thank you for this opportunity.  

Tefillin

Recently, with the help of a teacher and a friend, I have taken on the mitzvah of tefillin. To be honest, I'm not sure when I really started wanting to try it, it's such a personal experience so it's hard to say, "I wanted to have this feeling, so I started to wrap tefillin." But I did want to see what feeling it would give me and if it would enhance my prayer experience. One thing for sure, it helps me focus. When I feel the leather biting into my arm, it brings me back to my prayer and whatever intention I'm trying to have. 

Another part that I really like it seeing the lines it leaves on my arms hours later into the day. I don't know if it's because I have really soft skin, or I wrap too tightly, but the lines stay on my arms for hours! It's a really good reminder of being in that place of prayer and still having that concentration while I'm not "praying" anymore. An hour later when I'm contemplating if I have time to help someone, and I see the lines, I'm like..."yes, of course, I'll help, I just prayed to be a better person!" 

I have only be wrapping tefillin for two weeks, so if I have any big spiritual moments, I'll post more. 

This picture was very Erev Yom Kippur. Naomi and I went to Tel Aviv to do a mikvah in the ocean, and we're praying before we went into the water. It was an AMAZING experience! I felt so pure going into Yom Kippur! 

Dvar Torah

I wrote a Dvar Torah (Words of Torah) for our Shabbaton this weekend. So here it is.

Since we’re in the season of teshuva, I wanted to share some a very wise and inspiring Rabbi (Michael Hattin) once wrote, “teshuva is...a gradual awakening of the mind and soul to God’s call, a measured but steady process of self-evaluation and reflection, a plodding and sometimes faltering series of steps that includes dead ends, blind alleys, and even devastating retreats, but once unleashed, the momentum of the process cannot be stayed.”

Now I can definitely say that it is gradual and steady process...but before I came to Pardes I had no idea what teshuva was, I had never even heard the word. But I did want to love G-d. All I knew how to do was try to be a better person. (because surely G-d would at least want this.) I wanted to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better citizen, be better to the environment, have a healthier lifestyle. So I started reflecting, and thinking, and doing self-evaluations. Apologizing to people who I had hurt and making amends, and I started being kinder and more patient.

In this week’s Parsha, Moshe is talking to bnei Israel right before they are going to enter the land. And telling them to keep the mitzvot, and when you do them, G-d will do good things for you. But Moshe doesn’t just say, “when you do the mitzvot” he also says,

כִּי תָשׁוּב אֶל יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
when you return to the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul.

What does “return” mean? It has the same shoresh as teshuva. Could it be the same teshuva that Michael described about the process of self-evaluation and reflection? I would like to suggest that it is because Moshe continues:

כִּי הַמִּצְוָה הַזֹּאת אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם לֹא נִפְלֵאת הִוא מִמְּךָ וְלֹא רְחֹקָה הִוא:
For this commandment which I command you this day, is not concealed from you, nor is it far away.

לֹא בַשָּׁמַיִם הִוא לֵאמֹר מִי יַעֲלֶה לָּנוּ הַשָּׁמַיְמָה וְיִקָּחֶהָ לָּנוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵנוּ אֹתָהּ וְנַעֲשֶׂנָּה
It is not in heaven, that you should say, "Who will go up to heaven for us and fetch it for us, to tell [it] to us, so that we can fulfill it?"

וְלֹא מֵעֵבֶר לַיָּם הִוא לֵאמֹר מִי יַעֲבָר לָנוּ אֶל עֵבֶר הַיָּם וְיִקָּחֶהָ לָּנוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵנוּ אֹתָהּ וְנַעֲשֶׂנָּה
Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who will cross to the other side of the sea for us and fetch it for us, to tell [it] to us, so that we can fulfill it?”

כִּי קָרוֹב אֵלֶיךָ הַדָּבָר מְאֹד בְּפִיךָ וּבִלְבָבְךָ לַעֲשֹׂתוֹ
Rather this thing is very close to you, it is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can fulfill it.

Teshuva is really something that is obtainable to everyone, even to people who may not know what teshuva is. Everyone has the ability to reflect, pursue G-d, enter a process of improvement and awakening, even if it does involve roadblocks and hardship along the way. But honestly, isn’t anything worth obtaining, difficult?

I have a challenge that may help you grow and reflect and start this process if you haven’t. There is a website called 10 Questions, http://www.doyou10q.com/
that for every day between the chaggim, they will send you a question. And then, in one year, they will send you what you answered and you can reflect upon your growth over the past year. And considering that you are just starting out on your year at Pardes and we all have a year of learning and growth ahead of us. I think it’s an amazing way for us to reflect and concretely see our growth.  

I hope, regardless of whether you do the 10 Questions or not. And whether you see teshuva as this intense process; you hear Moshe’s words that this is close to you and it is possible. I want to give everyone a bracha, me too, why not, that in the upcoming days, we take time to reflect upon who we are, right now, today, at this point. Because only from this point, can we move forward and become closer to G-d.

Robert Kraft and Israeli Football

http://vimeo.com/49323951

Israeli Football League from Grace Barcenas on Vimeo.

The link is to a video made about the IFL. I am in it a few times, but I am most recognizable at 1:45.

Enjoy! 

Honor to host!

 This past Shabbat, Joseph, my roommate, and I had the honor of hosting 10 new Pardes students at our home. We were really excited about the prospect and really went all out.  We had the most amazing evening, and even though we really tried to create a beautiful Shabbat space and atmosphere, I feel like the people really made all the different to the oneg (joy) we felt at Shabbat. There are a few pictures below of the food, and table. (And Joseph, you are an amazing chef!)

Mandelbread, of course...

Beautiful colors, beautiful cabbage salad! 

Joseph made a Persian dish called "Kuku," it's egg, cauliflower, onion, and parsley. It's delicious! 

I carved "Shalom" into a watermelon!!! Everyone loved it! 

This is another watermelon "Shabbat" that I carved last year. Clearly, I should carve these at the same time, but that would really be a lot of work! 

All the craziness with the grass was worth it! Look at how beautiful our Shabbat was! 

כיסוח הדשא

יש לי סיפור ארוך. אבל תכין את עצמך כי יש לי הרבה קיטורים. כשנכנסנו לדירה שלנו לא היה דשא. אבל רצינו דשא. אחרי שמונה חודשים סוף סוף קיבלנו דשא. כשקיבלנו את הדשא, הייתי עם נפטי באירופה. אחרי עוד חודש כשנפטי הסתיים, הגעתי  לביתי. והדשא גדל לגובה של הברכיים שלי! אם אתה יודע משו על  כיסוח דשא, אתה יודע שזה לא קל עם דשא גבוה. היתה לי מצוקה והייתי לחוצה. ידעתי שזה יהיה מבצע מסובך. חשבתי אין לי 

מכסחה, אני לא רוצה לשלם מישהו, ואבא שלי לא פה!!! הוא היה יודע מה לעשות אם הוא היה איתי! אני יכולה 

לחלום! פחדתי שהדשא ימות!

יום אחת קמתי מרעש מהמגרש של השכנים שלי! אף פעם לא פגשתי אותם. אבל רכשתי השכלה כי אני גרה בישראל כבר שלוש שנים והכל מתברר! קפצתי מהמטה שלי, רצתי מחוץ לגדר ושאלתי כמה זה עלה לכסח את הדשא. הוא ענה 350 שקל! באמת? אתה משוגע? באותו הזמן שכנה שלי עמדה מאחורה, נפנפה במרץ ולחשה "יש לי מכסחה, אל תשלמי!!" מאוחר יותר למדתי שהיא נולדה בטורקיה!! איזה צחוק הגורל!! התחברנו מיד! לוויתי את המכסחה. עכשיו ציפיתי מהמכסחה לתת מענה לכל הבעיות שלי.  הייתי שחצנית וחשבתי אני כובשת את הדשא הזה!!! אבל היה קרע בין המחשבות ובין האקטואליה. המכסחה מחוברת לקיר!  אין דרך שלמכונה יהיה מספיק כוח כדי לחתוך את הדשא. צדקתי. כל שתי שורות המכסחה סבלה ומתה. חיכיתי עשרים דקות וניסיתי עוד פעם ועוד פעם.... חשבתי שהיא תתפוצץ! במשך ארבע שעות הזעתי יותר ממה שאני יכולה לזכור. זאת הייתה עבודה קשה. לעתים הייתי צריכה להרים את המכסחה ולהוריד אותה על כל ריבוע של דשא. הפסיקתי חצי דרך.

המכסחה הצעצוע!

 המשכתי עוד פעם בערב. ידעתי שאני לא אגמור לפני שקיעה. הייתי כמעת בסוף כששותף שלי יצא מהבית. לפני שהוא פתח את הפה שלו, חשבתי: אם הוא מנסה להורות לי, אני אצעק!  ואז, התחיל להורות לי...טעות גדולה!!!! הוא לא נשוי אז הבנתי שהוא לא יודע שלא חכם להורות לנשים שעבדו כל היום בשמש בלי עזרה. הייתי נחמדה.  הפסיקתי לעבוד, עמדתי ואמרתי "תחזור הביתה."  

המשכתי עוד פעם בבוקר . גם חתכתי קצוות עם ידיים שלי עם מספריים. אבל בסוף כבשתי את הדשא!  

   

     

 נהניתי תה ועשיתי שיעורי בית עם דשא שלי. 

My first story in Hebrew

היום משו מצחיק קרה.  באוטובוס בבוקר קארה ואני פגשנו את האיש מהשמים. מיד אהבתי אותו כשראיתי קוים בידו מתפילין. כשגמרתי קפה שלי, הוא לקח את הכוס ושם באשפה בשבילי!!! איזה גבר! אין לו סיבה, רק בגלל שהוא נחמד.

מאוחר יותר, אחרי שסיימנו את הטיול בשוק מחנה יהודה, עמדנו על יד השוק העראקי. יש שם הרבה גברים שמשחקים שש בש. וראיתי מישהו שישב בפנים שנופף לי. מיד זכרתי אותו מהאוטובוס! שאלתי אותו אם הוא בא לפה כל יום והוא ענה, כל השנה!!! שאלתי אם הוא משחק שש בש וענה, בטח! ואנחנו התחלנו לשחק שש בש ביחד כל הגברים מתוקים! היה לי כיף! הוא הזמין לנו תה. קארה ואני היינו נשים היחידות פתאום הבנתי שהיה גברים עומדים מסביבנו. ללא ספק, הייתי מעניינת. היו להם הרבה עצות.

בסוף ניצחתי. אני רוצה לחזור ולשחק עוד פעם! 

Shabbat shalom!

The challahs are ready and hot pitas are coming out of the oven! All of Jerusalem is getting ready for Shabbat!!! שבת שלום מירושלים!!

Summer Summary

This is very rare that I have such a long absence from blogging, but thus is life, and it happens. Since my classes ended at Pardes, I was working for NFTY.  http://www.nftyisrael.org/ It's reform Judaism's summer trip to Israel. This was my third summer working for NFTY and my third time on the exact same trip. We spent a week in Europe in Prague, Krakow, and Warsaw. Then we fly to Israel for a four week world wind.  At the end, I flew home with the kids and now I'm in Indiana for a week to see my family before I fly back to Israel to start Ulpan (Hebrew language classes) on August 5th.

A couple of things I learned: I'm not so reform. Or I'm reform in my own way, but I love Judaism a lot!  I don't love having the guitar at every Shabbat service. And I don't like using my phone on Shabbat and I don't like driving with the kids before Shabbat is over. And I like to do Havdalah when someone is suppose to do Havdalah, not before or after, or even the next day.  I don't personally do all these things all the time in my every day, or every Shabbat, life. But I feel like that if these things are going to be done, then they should be done at the proper time in the "correct" (open to interpretation) way. Also, some of the interpretations of the Parsha were a little too liberal for my tastes. At the end of the summer, a girl in my group wrote me a note that said, "You made me think about my Judaism because I never met a reform Jew how took their Judaism as seriously as you do." I think it's really important for people who love being Jewish and love practicing Judaism are present in the reform community or the knowledge in the youth will only reach a certain point. Reform Jews should also know everything about Judaism, and then make a choice to be reform, not to be reform because they don't know more than that.

I was waiting in the airport in New York and I needed to make a phone call, and since I'm Israeli and live in Israel, I don't have an American phone. I didn't really see anyone I felt comfortable asking.  So I was just sitting and waiting.  Then, a Jewish Orthodox family came and their three boys were going on the same plane as me to Chicago.  They sat down to wait for the flight. I immediately knew I could ask them to use their phone. Something about the wife's head covering, the husbands kippa, and the boys tzitzit was very comforting and familiar to me.  They quickly lent me their phone, even before I explained that I lived in Israel. I was surprised to feel more connected to Orthodox Jews in America than to any other American sitting next to me in the waiting area. But I have to say, it was nice and made sense to me.

Finally, tonight is Shabbat, and I was really sad to be in my house because we don't have Shabbat in my home, or we never have in the past. But tonight, I forced it. I didn't care, I really wanted it. So I put out grape juice, two pieces of bread. And with my parents, I lead the prayers in front of my parents, for the first time in my life. And then washed my hands, and then did the prayer of the "challah". First, it was SO nice, and all anger, anxiety, and things that weren't nice from the day suddenly ceased. And secondly, I was SO proud of myself. The prayers weren't perfect, I definitely stumbled a couple of times, but I did it. =) And at least now I know that Shabbat is possible in my house. And I can look forward to having Shabbat instead of looking for some other place to go.

Shabbat shalom. =)