Thursday, April 13, 2006
Today was great. (Well, I think that's a lie, but I'm trying to be positive.) I ran this morning with Jackson, it was sunny, warm, and beautiful. I showered, went to my grandpa's to tell him the news about last night. Continued to school to talk to sensei and my other favorite high school teacher. I don't like seeing the teachers I didn't like though, it's just awkward and I always think "did they know I couldn't stand them?" Not that it really matters now though.
Then, dreaded room 5 in the east wing of the ICU. I was by myself, which is rather more intimidating. I wanted to eat so I wouldn't have to face the fear of going in the room, but there was only chocolate, and I gave it up for Lent. No roommate, just a bed in the mist of bags full of fluid and beeping numerated machines. I didn't want to touch her, I just looked, stared really. Her wrinkles were so evident, and her dentures were out so when she breathed in, she lips really went into her mouth and when she exhaled, she'd blow them out until they parted just enough to let the hair flow. Ellen walked in and woke her up, asking how she felt and if she needed anything. The doctor wouldn't be in until the evening. She wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. They were just pumping in antibiotics and monitoring her closely. I wanted more information, but I knew Ellen didn't have anything else to offer. She told me I could pull up a chair, but I didn't want to sit. Really, strange perhaps, I wanted to take her picture. So vulnerable. I didn't stay long, she was sleeping mostly. I didn't cry. I held it in.
We left for Seder before 3, stopped to pee at the Hinsdale Oasis. I have the smallest bladder, I'm sure I have to pee more than anyone I've ever met; except babies, they pee an awful lot. We got there an hour early, and started an hour and a half late. (Gotta love Jewish time.) The matzah was late, so the show couldn't go on. The Seder went swimmingly. Once it started it was really fast. We did pictures after dinner, like always.
My grandmother was at her utmost annoyance.
Grandma: "Andrea, come talk to me."
G: "How's school?"
A: "It's going well, almost over."
G: "Did you hear I'm retiring? I'm so excited, my last day is May 2nd, then I'll have to get another job, I couldn't possibly just sit at home, I don't know what I'd do with myself."
A: "I'm sure you'll find something."
G: "Oh yes, I'm sure, at least I won't have to work 6 days a week for a horrible boss who doesn't appreciate anyone...So what do you think of my news...."
THREE HOURS LATER
G: "Andrea, we haven't talked at all. Why haven't you talked to me?"
A: "Because you don't listen."
...That shut up her.
When we left she told me she enjoyed my company even though we didn't get to talk much. I didn't know what she meant, because she didn't let me say a word the whole night. She talked a lot, I just listened. Maybe that's what good granddaughters are suppose to do. I wished her a happy Passover, "Chag Sameach." She likes when I say the few Hebrew words I know. I think she believes I'm more Jewish than I am when I speak Hebrew.
My mom and I had a great heart to heart on the drive home. I love her. I want to be just like her. I would be proud if I turned out like her...even just a little.